Christians are straight up FREAKS
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
