it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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