Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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