good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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