At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Is it penis luge time yet?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
