You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
