If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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