I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
