I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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