really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
