is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It was like giving head to a cactus.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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