She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
