"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
