she was so not down for the gang bang
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
