so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
