he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
