Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
