The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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