u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
