the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
