it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
