I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
