Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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