So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
