There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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