How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
