So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
