doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
