I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
