I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
