You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
