Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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