I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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