Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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