It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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