Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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