Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
