it was like his penis was on wheels.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
