My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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