incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
