dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
