I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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