i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
