My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
