I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
