I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
