I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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