my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
