yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
