I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
