3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
