you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
