You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
