he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
