I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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