he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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