I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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