I just pynch a tree in the face
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
