my vag is so smooth its legendary
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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