So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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